When I wrote my post yesterday, I knew it was going to be emotional, uncomfortable, and just plain scary to be putting something as private as that part of my life out there for everyone to see. It has taken me months to get to the point where I could open myself up to the hurt that has always come with the mere idea of what I dealt with back then.

As I was writing last night, I was just about crying because of how emotional of a subject this is for me. I had stopped for a moment, not sure if I could go on. I don’t know how to really explain it, but it was almost like God was whispering in my ear, telling me that I needed to continue, that I needed to do this in order to heal, and that I was ready to this. You can’t rush yourself on these things, it just doesn’t work out and you don’t really heal.

Today, I feel better about it, as if I am starting to get to that point where I can finally heal from all the damage that my now, ex-stepmom, caused. I know realize that I don’t need them to know how much they hurt me. I think part of me believed that I couldn’t heal until they knew every wrong they committed against me.

This actually occurred to me when I was reading an article about the daughter of the BTK serial killer. She had no idea who her dad really was and had to deal with a lot of issues because of his betrayals. In some ways, I could relate to what she was saying, not that I would ever be able to fully understand how she feels, of course.

When “Jamie” and her kids betrayed me, they stole my sense of trust. I trusted them with so much of who I was; my insecurities and everything else. I find that it is a difficult endeavor to trust people with how I really feel about something, and who I am on the inside.

I certainly don’t want anyone to think that I am simply whining about my life, I really just want to bring to light something that has plagued me for a long time.

It looks like I have run out of time to discuss anything else, until next time….:)